This past weekend I attended a beautiful wedding in Napa with a friend who needed a last minute date.  Since I did not know the couple personally, I had very little information other than the schedule of events. The itinerary was fairly standard for wedding weekend; yet there was something different about this particular wedding that was unlike any other wedding I have been to . . .

There is a significant age difference between the bride and groom.  She is in her mid forties and he is in his late sixties.  Now you may be falling into the stereotypical thinking that he must be rich and she must be gorgeous.  Those external facts are accurate AND she is very successful in her career and he is handsome, intriguing, and incredibly kind.

But the age difference is not the differentiating factor about this wedding that really struck me.   It was the incredible unconditional love and acceptance I noticed between the bride and groom.  Their age difference became invisible as soon as I saw them together.  The connection, affection, mutual respect, and the energy that was created whenever they were in each other’s presence was contagious – and extremely romantic! They truly saw each other through soul-centered eyes and the vows they exchanged were the most touching I have ever heard. They acknowledged each other for how they feel seen, loved and accepted in the eyes of the other.  They both proclaimed their commitment not only to love each other, but for the love they share to extend to their family, friends and their community.

I am guessing that as a young woman, the bride did not dream about marrying someone that is 20+ years older.  Yet when she said in her vows, “I feel the most me when I am with you,” it became crystal clear that she had the courage to follow her heart, rather than just an idea in her head.  She was open to letting sensational love in even if it did not come in a traditional package.

My question for you today is: what are you not open to letting in your life because you are overly attached to the package you’d like it to come in?

Perhaps you have a list of all the qualities you’d like to attract in a partner, a job, a friendship, or some other situation which is great in terms of getting clear on what you value and what’s important to you.  However, I challenge you to really let go of this list and be open to the Universe bringing to you what truly is the best fit for you.  Often we have an idea in our head of what we want, seeing through tunnel vision and potentially not seeing what is to our left or right that may truly be sensational.

It’s time to let go of the list.

Does that feel a little scary? It’s natural if it does. Surrender can be terrifying! So here is a great compromise that will sooth your mind and is a supportive tool.  Make a list of your non-negotiables when it comes to anything you want in life.   Take the example of a romantic relationship.  What are the qualities your potential partner must have in order to feel like he or she shares your top values? For example, non-negotiables could include: being open/on a spiritual path of some kind, health and well being (no active addicts), he/she values family, kindness, financial responsibility, etc.

I encourage my clients to come up with their core deal-breakers and then approach everything with an open heart and open mind.  The person or opportunity that is most suitable for you may not come in the package you thought.  Are you willing to see through eyes of love instead of focusing on the bullet points on your checklist? Focus on what you’d like to experience rather than what it looks like from the outside.  Don’t be stubborn when it comes to manifesting and co-creating!

One of the most amazing things about life is that it is full of pleasant surprises. Trust me, Spirit knows what you want AND what’s actually best for you.  You are so deserving!!  Believe it.  Open your eyes and heart. Let go of your fear. Release your expectations.  And be willing to be absolutely blown away by sensational surprises that top any list you could ever create.

Love,

Christine

Take a Leap of Faith!! That sounds pretty enticing, doesn’t it?

Leaps of faith are alluring because we are leaping out of something that isn’t in alignment with our desires and into something that is. However what we are truly leaping into is the unknown. And when we are standing on the edge of a cliff facing uncertainty, a leap of faith suddenly becomes a lot scarier.

You hear inspirational stories of people who took great leaps of faith and by the time we hear their story, they usually have landed somewhere with greater passion, purpose and prosperity. This makes for a great advertisement for leaping into the unknown, but doesn’t tell the whole story. You may have taken a leap of faith and expected that once you leapt, a fluffy white cloud would be there to catch you or you’d land softly on a beautiful ledge full of everything you want. If that happened, fantastic! But chances are you are in the unsexy and rather scary part of taking a leap of faith: the FREE FALL.

Every leap of faith comes with a free fall period. The free fall can last for days, months, even years. And it is the unsexy part of a leap of faith because you have leapt into uncertainty; you do not know where or when you will land. Your ego will begin to panic and search for some kind of certainty to grab onto. It’s a time when everything around you may feel chaotic. A lot of fear may come up and you may even question your choice to take the leap.

So how can you avoid freaking out during the free fall? Here are some things to keep in mind:

The free fall period IS the time when faith is truly developed. Faith is not developed in times of certainty but rather in the vast sea of the unknown. Many people confuse having faith with being right. For instance, if you take a leap of faith and everything goes according to your plan or fantasy then you think, “Whew, I was really right about taking that leap.” That is not faith…that is simply your ego feeling proud of itself. Faith is not based on results. Faith is the experience of being able to totally be at peace with the “what is” and trust the Universe even if the white cloud or ledge isn’t in sight.

Don’t look down. If you have ever been somewhere super high up you probably felt a lot calmer if you didn’t look down. Imagining worst-case scenarios during a free fall is like looking down. A free fall is scary enough because you are spiraling through uncertainty; don’t make it worse with a lot of “what if’s” followed by negative statements.

Don’t look up/behind you. Avoid going into regret. During a free fall it is natural to question the choice you made to leap but it will only lengthen the time of your free fall. Regret is pointless. You made the choice and took the leap. Trust yourself. There is no turning back and that is good news. Stay present. Look at what’s in front of you. There is a lot of learning to do when leaping and if you are looking down or up, you’ll miss the lessons.

True transformation occurs in the free fall. I invite you to reframe the free fall period of leap of faith. What if i (more…)

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose the sight of the shore.” Christopher Columbus

Courage. It’s a desirable quality to have and an empowering way to be. Our heroes and inspirational leaders are labeled courageous.  We are told throughout our life to “be courageous,” but that isn’t always easy. In fact, courage is often one of the most difficult qualities to truly integrate.

Why is being courageous not as easy to embody as the heroes make it look in the movies?  There are two main reasons.  First, being courageous means being willing to face fear and embrace uncertainty.  YIKES! We don’t like being scared or not knowing what is ahead.  Second, most of us do not truly understand what courage really means.

Think of something that you are scared to do. Perhaps it’s a conversation you are nervous to have, a job change you are afraid to make, or a relationship you are terrified to leave.  You are feeling fear, hoping that one day you will feel courageous enough to finally do it (whatever your “it” is).  You don’t like not knowing what is on the other side of a choice.  In fact, it is petrifying.  Staying in the known, however undesirable it may be, feels a lot cozier.

But what are you waiting for? Some miraculous moment when all of a sudden you don’t feel scared? A sign from the Uni-verse that gives you more certainty? Sorry to break it to you, but that is not the way courage is developed.

Courage is feeling fear and moving forward anyway.  So if you are waiting for fear to disappear before you take an action or make a choice, you are going to be waiting indefinitely.  You are allowing fear to paralyze you.  You are mentally strategizing the perfect scenario in your head that feels “safe” enough before you take action.

Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to arise. Stop waiting to not feel scared.  Feel the fear and do it anyway – THEN, and only then, you will experience true courage.

Courage is NOT the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of fear.

You become more courageous when you choose to confront fear, pain, perceived danger, uncertainty or intimidation.  You embody courage when you move forward even in the face of opposition or discouragement.

I remember in my Spiritual Psychology program at The University of Santa Monica, my teacher, Ron Hulnick, once shared a story about Napoleon, the powerful military and political leader during the French Revolution.  Somewhere in history an interview is documented with him where he was asked how he (more…)

I’ve got a juicy UPdate for you today about Expectation Hangovers®…But first I want to invite those of you near Southern California to meet me tomorrow at The Tadasana Festival for connection, inspiration and transformation! I’ll be on the Daily Love panel at 2pm and then speaking about how to make the most out of disappointment at 6pm.
You can find all the details here.  Hope to see you there!

Let’s face it.  Life is full of surprises that aren’t always the kind we would wish for.  What makes these unexpected, unwanted surprises even harder to accept is our attachment to the way we expected things to go. This particular brand of discomfort – the kind fueled by a life drunk with expectations and the resulting crash from failing to meet them – is profoundly sobering and uncomfortable.  I call it an Expectation Hangover® which I define as:

“The myriad of undesirable feelings or thoughts present when one or a combination of the following things occurs:

-       A desired result does not occur
-       Things don’t turn out like you though they would or wanted them to
-       You are unable to meet your personal and/or professional expectations
-       An undesired, unexpected event occurs that is in conflict with what we want or planned.

The symptoms are similar, but far more miserable and lasting, to those caused by a hangover from alcohol: lethargy, depression, lack of motivation, confusion, denial, anger, poor work performance, diminished creativity, strained relationships, social withdrawal, low self-esteem, regret and a disconnection from a Higher Power.

When our expectations are met, we feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. Often risking little, we feel safe, in control and on-track.  Achieving our goals is intoxicating and we are compelled forward towards them, sometimes disregarding our underlying motivations (which often come from our ego). We don’t like the unknown and we cling to our plans like a road map instead of allowing our inner knowing and God to lead us.

While striving for goals has value, holding expectations and attachment to the way life “should” go sets the stage for disappointment.

Disappointment. Uh oh. Most of don’t like it when the Universe seems to miss the memo on how we think things should be. But the truth is the Universe doesn’t miss anything. We are the ones who are missing out when we do not seek out the lessons from Expectation Hangovers.

When we keep fighting for what we think we want, never slowing down enough to actually learn the lesson that our Expectation Hangover is attempting to teach, it is impossible to clarify what we truly want and need. We’re too drunk with expectations to notice when we are headed in the wrong direction.

The result?  We continue to wake up with Expectation Hangovers: A career path that was planned and executed with precision becomes tainted with doubt and lackluster.  A relationship with “the one” suddenly becomes the one thing we can’t get right. A salary or promotion that was counted on is not a reality. A home that was dreamt about still remains a fantasy. A pregnancy that is wished for isn’t happening. A parent who we could always lean on suddenly isn’t there anymore.  A lover or spouse leaves.  An illness interrupts our life.  A job and the financial security that came with it is gone.

And then there are the Expectation Hangovers that are more spiritual in nature when we start to realize that although we have checked off everything on our life checklist, there is still lack of fulfillment.  This is a pretty direct call from a Higher Power that it’s time to wake up.

So what do you do? How do you treat Expectation Hangovers? It takes a lot more than two aspirin, some greasy food and staying inside with the lights low.  There are no “quick fixes” for an Expectation Hangover, but because we don’t like not feeling good, we look for an external way to ease the discomfort.  Rebound relationships, abrupt career changes or miscalculated risks, addictions (drinking, gambling, sex, drugs, work, shopping) and numbing oneself with (more…)

“One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began.” Mary Oliver

Last week I wrote about being hypnotized by your story and encouraged you to stop living in a trance and start telling the truth.  Yet another reason to stop living through the lens of your story is because there are often gems of wisdom hidden in the blindspots your story creates.  I was reminded of this last week when I went home to Dallas to sort through and purge boxes of my childhood memories.

We were filled with nostalgia as my sister and I emptied tubs and tubs of yearbooks, stuff animals, letters, school projects, arts and crafts, awards, ribbons, and an endless supply of 80’s accessories (I could seriously have a retro party and supply everyone with sunglasses, earrings, headbands and legwarmers).  Each item that we discovered triggered a memory that was tucked away and a story that hadn’t been told in a while.

My sister’s greatest found treasure was her “blankie” – a soft pink blanket with a satin trim that was her most prized possession as a child.  She took it everywhere with her and threw a fit whenever she was separated from it (like those rare times my mom was able to pry it away to wash it).  Her blankie eventually got pretty dirty, tattered and worn out but it didn’t matter to her. She held onto it no matter what because it brought her a great sense of comfort.

That’s what our stories are like. We cling to them like a lifeline no matter how “dirty, tattered and worn out” they are because they are comforting.  The familiarity of our story, despite the fact that it may not be serving our growth, keeps us hanging onto it for dear life.  So much so that we often take all the amazing things about ourselves that come naturally for granted.

The greatest treasure I found in my memorabilia boxes were stacks of my High School English papers.  As I read through them I was so blown away by the content that I asked my dad if I really wrote them or if he helped me.  He smiled and said, “All I did was proofread, the rest was all you – you were always a writer, dear.”  Frankly I was quite impressed with my 14-17 year old self – she actually was an incredible writer and had a passionate point of view about many things.

This may not seem surprising given that I am author of two books and have been blogging weekly for 6 years; however, my gift of writing was not something I truly discovered until my late twenties after I left an entirely different career.  As an adolescent, I was already hypnotized by a story that I was unlikable that I created after being teased in middle and elementary school.  Thus I chased after external success to “prove my worth” and moved to Hollywood to pursue a career in the entertainment industry (which is like the adult version of the popular crowd I longed to be a part of as a teenager).   My story was scripted largely on insecurities and no matter how successful I became as a TV literary agent, I still felt empty inside.

My choices were motivated by my story rather than by truest, deepest gifts and desires. And because I was so hypnotized by my story, I had forgotten the beautiful gems of my past that were huge clues as to what my passion was. It wasn’t until I was willing to rip away the blanket of my story that I rediscovered my true gifts, one of which was writing.

This is what happens when we are hiding underneath the perceived security blanket of our story: we loose sight of our unique gifts and talents.  Your story has been creating blind spots in your life such that you are not able to see all the clues the Uni-verse has been and continues to give you about who you really are and what you truly love.

Your story is holding you back! CHOOSE to pry it away so that you can see what is underneath.  Take a stroll down memory lane and instead of filling the tour with all the stuff that happened that you didn’t like, go on a treasure hunt!

Look for clues as to what your unique passion is by:
-    Recalling what you loved to do and why you loved it
-    Remembering what came naturally to you
-    Considering what kind of experiences you had that taught you priceless lessons.

Your purpose has ALWAYS been within you.  You have unique gifts and talents and the Uni-verse will (more…)

“You did what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better.” Maya Angelou

Do you know that only about 5-10% of what most of us do in any given day is actually conscious?  As much as we may believe that we are actively participating in life, we spend a lot of time unconscious. The vast majority of what we do is based on habitual behaviors and responses that are based on a story we created. This story then becomes our programming.

We began to construct this story at a young age based on things that we saw, heard or experienced in life. If you were teased, you probably created a story about being less than (this was a big part of my own story). If you were abandoned, you likely have a story about being unlovable.  If you were poor, you possibly have a story about being undeserving.

The possibilities of stories are endless and continuing to tell them is a dead-end on the path to consciousness.  A huge part of waking up is a willingness to get off the dead-end street of story telling and onto the interstate of Truth-telling.

Are you ready for the express lane?

I suspect the answer is yes.  But first, let’s go back to how these stories form.  To keep it super simple (because it actually is not that complicated) here are the five steps of story creation:

1. Something happens
2. We have judgment about what happens
3. That judgment creates a feeling and a cluster of thoughts
4. The feelings and thoughts then create a belief system
5. That belief system becomes our story

Stories are created because we confuse our thoughts and feelings with the Truth.

Once the story is created, it’s like we start to live in a trance state and forget the Truth of who we are. Our beliefs are so powerful that it’s as if they hypnotize us to the extent that they program us. Our story becomes the lens through which we start to see everything in our life, which motivates our choices, reactions and actions.

Then we tend to attract circumstances that fit in with our story – even if we don’t consciously want them. For instance, if you have a story around being undeserving, you may experience a lot of challenge in generating abundance in your life in the areas of money, relationships, career opportunities and/or health. If you have a story around having to struggle, you may approach the majority of your life with a defeatist attitude and actually continue to experience struggle. If you have a story around being a victim, you may find yourself in a variety of situations that you judge as unfair.

The bad news is that most of our stories prevent us from generating the experiences we desire or creating the things in life we want. They also keep us disconnected from Spirit because they keep us on that dead-end road.  When we buy into the beliefs of our story, we are buying into the misunderstanding that we are separate from Spirit.  But the good news is that our stories are not true!!!  And realizing the Truth sets us free- so it is 100% possible to wake up and liberate ourselves from our stories.

Breaking free from your story takes conscious attention, since (more…)

“Dreams come true when desire transforms them into concrete action.” Napoleon Hill

You are awake. You are aware. You are growing in your consciousness because you have been willing to investigate and ask yourself tough questions (You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t).

And your awareness is awesome!

Expanding our awareness is an extremely important part of our path. It’s crucial to understand ourselves to illuminate why we’ve made choices we’ve made.  As we connect the dots in our lives and see how our story has created our reality, clarity comes.  Those “aha” moments in life open up space in our mind that was previously crowded with misunderstanding.

But just because you are more conscious does not mean that you are creating the change you crave in your life.  You may even be experiencing some frustration because while you have tons of insight about yourself, you are not creating the experiences or results you desire. Inside you may be clear but the outside still is murky.

The trap of awareness is that it can become a comfort zone.  Mentally understanding our issues is a relatively comfortable place to be because it gives us a feeling of control.  The more we can analyze and explain ourselves to ourselves, the more we feel like we have a grasp on our reality.  But if we linger in the comfort of awareness too long we move into paralysis by analysis…and things remain the same.

If you want to create shifts in your life, use your awareness to inspire action.  Change in your physical world reality does not automatically occur once you have an epiphany about something.  You have to leverage your awareness by actually doing something that is inspired by your insight.

My invitation to you today is to transform your insight into inspired action.  Ask yourself:

-  What’s one thing in your life that you’d like to shift or change?
-  What’s the awareness you have about it?
-  Based on this awareness, what is at least one action step you will commit to taking that will move you more in the direction you want to go?

You are a co-creator. For the Universe to bring you the next step, you have to take a step that supports the direction you intend to go in.  Ascension requires momentum.

Awareness + Action = Change

You have my support as you take at least one step – and please don’t lie to yourself and say, “But I don’t know what to do.” That’s just not true. You are creative, wise and 100% capable of knowing something you can do right now that moves you in the direction of your dreams.  It may feel uncomfortable or scary at first, but that’s great news because that means you are moving out of the trap of awareness. Awareness opens the door for transformation to occur and your actions steps support you in actually walking through it.

Love,

Christine

“Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.” Tony Robbins

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Gandhi

Feeling kind of funky? Finding yourself immersed in the drama of your own life despite your desire not to be? I have a quick fix for you.  Now, I don’t believe in many quick fixes because usually they are temporary and based in escapism. However there is one quick fix that I subscribe to for de-funking because it always works AND if done over time, creates lasting positive change.

Ready for the quick fix recipe?  Here it is: Being of Service.

The best way to shift out of negative and ego based thinking is to stop thinking about yourself! The instant you start thinking about how you can uplift others, you’ll soon find yourself in your heart and out of your head.

I had this experience last weekend when I attended the 3rd annual gala for the Unstoppable Foundation, which is a nonprofit organization committed to bringing education and sustainability to people in developing nations. I left the evening totally blown away and infused by the contagious spirit of altruism in the room. As I dropped my donation in the bucket, I was the one who felt like I was receiving a gift. In less than an hour, my entire state of being had shifted because my consciousness expanded beyond my own little world and I truly saw how we as individuals can change the world.

So to be of service, do you have to start or contribute to an organization creating major change? NO. Please don’t use the excuse of not knowing where to volunteer or not having money or time to contribute as reasons to prevent you from being of service.

Perhaps a definition of being of service would be useful, as it is an integral part of the journey toward finding fulfillment.  From my perspective it is when you participate in making someone’s life better in any way.  Being of service does not mean being selfless and putting everyone else’s needs before your own; rather it is about being connected and having a generous heart.

Often times the greatest acts of service are extremely simple things.  And the recipients of your acts of service do not necessarily have to be people dealing with extreme hardship.  EVERYONE needs kindness and reminders of the Love that they are.  We ALL long to feel connected, seen and acknowledged.

Here are ten very simple yet very impactful ways that you can get a quick fix by being of service, and immediately shift your vibration:

1. Make eye contact and smile at a minimum of five strangers.
2. Write a random thank you note in a pretty card (no email!) and mail it .
3. Call up a friend or family member you haven’t spoken to in a while and tell them you were thinking of them.
4. Pick up the next piece of trash you see and recycle it.
5. Open the door for someone or help someone with groceries or packages.
6. Google the nearest shelter, go there and ask how you can help.
7. Allow someone else to go in front of you in line or traffic.
8. Pray for someone else.
9. Take three of your favorite inspirational books, dedicate them to “A special someone,” write a heart-felt note about how the book touched you, sign them with Love and carry them with you.  Then give them away randomly (trust your intuition and the Uni-verse to direct you to the appropriate recipients).
10. Hop on the Internet and research causes that move you – find the smaller (more…)

“The art of pleasing is the art of deceiving.” French Proverb

Are you concerned about what other people think of you? Do you often make decisions based on what you think will please others? Does your sense of self-worth come from the approval of others? Do you often withhold from sharing what you truly want, think or feel because of fear it may upset someone? Are you often last on your list of priorities?

Believe me, you are not alone. Our egos love to be liked, approved and validated.  It is natural to want to fit in and not “upset others” because it feels safer. All it takes one small experience of feeling criticized, not liked, thinking we’ve upset someone, or getting tons of praise and validation for making others happy to develop people pleasing as a bad habit.

People pleasing is a terrible investment because it depletes your most valuable resources: your time and energy.  Just think about how much energy you waste by obsessing about what other people think of you or trying to strategize your actions to appease others.

Clarification: I am all for being a considerate and generous person.  And it feels wonderful to love others! But being and acting from love is NOT people pleasing.  People pleasing is different because there is an attachment to someone else’s reaction and/or a motivation to please in order to avoid an undesired negative response or judgment or get a positive one.

You may think being a people pleaser makes you a “good” person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be.  Nope.  It’s selfish to be a people pleaser.  Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you.  You are the one who wants to be liked. You are the one who does not want to upset anyone.  You are the one who wants to look good for others. You are the one who is not okay with other people’s reactions. You are the one protecting yourself from confrontation.  And you are the one who is choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are. And by doing all of those things, you are keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world – and that is selfish.

Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business.

Obsessing about how to please others or be liked is a misuse of your energy.  Just imagine for a moment what you could create in your life if you took HALF of the time and energy you invest in people pleasing back?  Stop contorting yourself to be what you think others want or expect. See yourself now reclaiming all that time and energy you expend on being over-responsible for others or working to impress others and refocus it on being of service without attachment, sharing your gifts, taking care of you and expressing your true Self!!!  Trust me, when do that you will have an overflow from which to give (more…)

Last week I answered questions about love and relationships on a free call with Christine Arylo.  The call FLEW by and we got tons of additional questions so we answered two of the most popular ones we received with those who registered for the call and I’m sharing them in today’s love letter to you (just in case you missed it!).

We will go much deeper into all these topics in our 40-Day Choosing Me Before We
journey …

If you haven’t yet registered for the 40-day Choosing ME before WE practice, now is the time to do so – we start on Wednesday!

And this class is NOT just for single people – it’s for anyone and everyone interested in having more love and happier relationships.

Go here for more details and to register.

Now here are the questions that Christine Arylo and I answered:

Question one:
How can I make my current romantic relationship better and more loving and get my partner to show me more love?

We acknowledge you for being willing to ask how to bring more love into your relationship – that is far more empowering than complaining on what is missing.  The first thing to keep in mind is that often times the way our relationships are going are a direct reflection of the relationship we are having with ourselves.  For instance, if you are hard and judgmental of yourself, you may (more…)