“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl
Last week I was looking at an email on my phone while stopped at a red light. All of a sudden I heard ferocious honking and a woman yelling. Thinking that the woman in the minivan next to me needed help, I rolled down my window. I soon realized after she threw a few f-bombs and other no-so-nice words in my direction that she was upset with me for looking at my phone. Although I had put my phone down, she continued with finger pointing, threats to call the police, and more screaming. Inside myself I said, “God Bless You”, rolled up my window and was on my way after the light turned green. She continued to honk and yell at me until I turned onto another street.
At the time this happened, I felt compassion for this woman who seemed to be incredibly upset. Perhaps she had been in an accident because of cell phone distractions. Or maybe she was just having a bad day. Who knows? All I knew was that her upset AT me did not have to cause upset IN me. As I drove away I maintained a feeling of equanimity inside myself despite her actions. Now, because I know me and I am familiar with my old patterns, I can honestly say this was a relief to experience. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like to be yelled at – especially when I believe I haven’t done anything wrong. My ego has also enjoyed being right in the past that has led to defensive behavior. If this same incident had happened years ago I would have probably either yelled back or pulled some kind of passive aggressive move like smiled and waved to show her she wasn’t getting to me (even though she was).
Fortunately I’ve had years of practicing letting go of being triggered by the actions of others. Many “aha” moments have shown me that non-reactivity is essential to my peace of mind. I am aware that I cannot choose how people treat me but I can choose how I respond to their actions. I have learned that equanimity (meaning “evenness of mind especially under stress”) comes from choosing (more…)











