This week I met a new acquaintance for coffee introduced through mutual connection who thought we could both benefit from knowing and networking with each other. What I thought would be a professional meeting became a get together between kindred spirits and the beginning of a lasting friendship.
We got our coffee and began talking about ourselves, but instead of rattling off our bios and describing what we do, we spoke more candidly about the twists and turns in our lives that have shaped who we are. She shared about being laid off from a job that ended a 17 year career path, going though a divorce and other life changing challenges. And as I shared about my own expectation hangovers, relationships that ended abruptly and past struggles with confusion, depression and hopelessness, a bond began to form.
Then she said the most insightful thing, “I love speaking about my failures because they always connect me to people. My failures humanize me.” In that moment I was experiencing the truth of that statement. By opening up to each other and sharing authentically about our “human-ness” there was instant intimacy. It also reminded me that most of the emails I receive and the clients that come to me for coaching are drawn to me because they relate to my failures – not because of any of my accomplishments or training.
My encouragement today is to be UPlifted by your failures. Bring them into the light instead of keeping them in the dark because of shame or judgment. Failures really are simply course correction as long as you are willing to learn from them versus using them as something to beat yourself up with. When you speak more openly about your mistakes and how they have affected you, it supports you in letting go of shame you may be feeling. Today and each day change the way you see failure because truly all of your mistakes are masterpieces.
Fondly,
Christine
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.”
Mahatma Gandhi
I also find that when I've shared my failures with others, the bond had become stronger than before.
I believe that people in their twenties are afraid to share their failures, even with close friends. We are so eager to impress everyone else with our success, but shudder at the idea of sharing a major failure. It's only when other brave souls really talk about their failure publicly that we begin to feel better about sharing our own.
I read/hear often how much my generation (Gen Y) shares online, but the one thing they don't really share is real failure. I wonder what would happen to my generation when we start to admit our failures. I'm interested in finding out.
Human beings are curious creatures who learn most authentically through failure and realize gratitude through hard work. Our common language and sentiment repeats this theme: no pain, no gain; success is sweeter for hard work; and rock bottom is more often a turning point than an end.
One of my favorite thought leaders John Maxwell has said: “If you want to impress people, share your successes. If you want to impact people, share your failures.” I agree with the author and commenter above that when one is strong enough, one can be vulnerable and open. It’s easy and safe to offer platitudes of our best selves, but it’s a gesture of intimacy and faith to be truly humble.